Well, it’s been about 3 months since the last entry, and I
apologize for my tardiness with updates.
In my defense, though, the past few months of my life have been an
unrelenting stream of highly engaging distractions, all of which have forced me
to repeatedly put any attempts at expository self-assessment on the backburner. There were a couple things---most of them
introspective and kind of self-indulgent---that I really wanted to write about over
these past few months; however, given that a bunch of stuff has happened
recently, these will have to wait for a later entry. For now, I figure my time is best spent
throwing up highlights of some of my more recent PCV extension shenanigans. Enjoy!
Halloween and Fond
Farewells
Late October (namely, the week before Halloween) saw the
first departures of members of my training class, many of whom have since
elected to either head back to the US or embark on epic, post-Peace Corps trips
around the world. Luckily for me, I got
to see a lot of them right before I left: although I was (and still am)
extending, I was scheduled to participate in a meeting for the Shika initiative right before Halloween,
meaning that both the first crew and I happened to be in Dar at roughly the same
time. As you’d probably imagine, this
week in Dar was kind of like a “Peace Corps wake”: safi food was eaten, libations were imbibed, emotions were
outpoured, and good times were had by all---when I wasn’t having a great time
partying/hanging out with everyone, I was busy engaging in fits of deep,
crushing nostalgia… that is, until I inevitably found something to distract me
again. And, luckily for me, there was
plenty of that to go around.
Perhaps the most entertaining part of the week, though, was the
fact that it took place during Halloween.
Take heed, potential visitors to Tanzania: there is no better place to
get a Halloween costume than a Tanzanian soko
(market). I’m serious---the vast
majority of Tanzanians get their clothes from huge used-clothing emporiums,
which means, from the get-go, you pretty much have your pick of the finest
America’s church donation bins have to offer (and, trust me, you can find some
really crazy stuff if you look hard enough).
More importantly, however, one of the coolest things about living in
Tanzania is the nearly limitless selection of cheap fabric and fundis (tailors) to work it---with
enough imagination (and a good eye for detail), you can have literally any type
of clothing made, all of it fitted and custom-tailored specially for you for
under $10. It’s kind of awesome, and
very few volunteers make it through two years of service without getting at
least something made, be it an East
African-style shirt, creatively-colored pajama pants, or a belt cut from an
old, shredded truck tire (that last one’s me).
Thus, as you can figure, this sort of situation opens myriad
possibilities for potential Halloween costumes.
Need tights? No problem. A mask?
Easily done. A funny hat? Sketch it out and send it in. A wig?
Buy it at the local duka for
5000/=. The soko is literally packed with things that Tanzanians tend to wear
un-ironically that can be exploited and worn very-ironically for the enjoyment
of you and your knucklehead friends, and it’s only right that you take
advantage of that fact while in country.
So, true to form, one of my friends and I decided to go big
this Halloween and dress as Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunn from the tuxedo
scene of Dumb and Dumber (i.e.,
over-the-top pastel tuxes in bright orange and baby blue)---not the most
original idea, but still pretty awesome nonetheless. Because we don’t play around, we went the
whole nine yards---bowties, frills, cummerbunds, top hats, and even canes
(which turned out to be sword canes… even more awesome). I think the results speak for themselves:
 |
| New suits! |
Perhaps the clincher of all this was that, in spite of it
all, the suits were actually pretty good quality, with decent lining, hidden
pockets, and ample frills. The hats could’ve
used a little work though (the fundi
messed them up the first time and I made him redo them in the dark in 30
minutes while I held my cellphone flashlight above his head). Regardless, literally the moment I put my
suit on for the first time---alone in my house by lantern light at night,
because Tanesco hates me---I felt entirely vindicated in my purchase.
But yeah, needless to say, my friend and I took every
possible opportunity to wear these suits around Dar, both during Halloween and otherwise. Some of my favorite suit-related memories of
the week:
- Going to a Halloween party full of Europeans and Africans---as part of a group of ~15 rowdy, costumed Americans---and trying to explain to them why dressing up in preposterous costumes for one day a year is awesome
- On a different night, trying to reenact the classic Dumb and Dumber entrance at front door of a bar (which ends with me hitting my friend in the back of the knee with my cane, causing him to fall), only to have some random Tanzanian guy at the bar grab my cane mid-swing and yelp at me worriedly, “DON’T HIT HIM!!!”
- Storming into a Dar casino in full, suited glory and proceeding to systematically plunder the blackjack tables (by the end of the night, I had more than enough to recoup the payment for the suits… threefold).
- While gambling, telling one of the dealers that she looked very pretty… because her dress was made of the same material as my suit. I told her I was prettier, though, since I had frills on my outfit, whereas she didn’t have any. I suggested that she should have a word with her fundi. She didn't laugh.
So yeah, I had fun.
And, in case you’re wondering, yes: my friend and I have made a pact to
wear these suits at each other’s respective future weddings. Any woman I marry will have to love me for
more than just my looks or my personality; she’ll have to love me for that
suit, too.
Work and Shadow Week
Following this fun little diversion, I found myself back in
Songea, and back to work. Remember,
despite this blog's more apparent focus---fun anecdotes and assorted
misadventures---I really do spend most of my time working here… it’s just that I don’t write about it too much because
it’s esoteric and boring. I mean, I happen to think that quantum mechanics
and nonlinear dynamics are about as cool as it gets, but I also understand that
not everyone agrees with me, so I just keep that crap to myself. Besides, we’re nowhere near that point in the
syllabus.
 |
| The first (and actually only) documented evidence that I do, in fact, teach here. Bonus points if you can guess what the lecture is about. |
Regardless, the general theme of this most recent term has been to get
the Form VI students prepped for their mock examinations, which are currently happening
this week. To this end, I’ve been
churning out a ton of weekly problem sets, study guides, and full-on practice
tests… it’s been rough on me almost as much as it’s been rough on my students
(remember, I have to solve these
problem sets and type up marking schemes for each test I produce… it’s a pain
in the ass). Granted, at least I’m not
making up the problems myself---THAT would
be unreasonable---but I still have to compile these problems, add or trim
certain portions to make them more NECTA-y, assign marks, import (or draw)
accompanying diagrams, print these tests out (apparently, the nearest place to
buy printer toner is Mbeya, so I literally have to take the toner canister out
and shake it to collect the dregs to print one legible copy), and go to town
and make 180 copies… it can be a hassle.
And of course, during this entire process, the power is constantly
cutting out at random. Ah, Songea.
Oh yeah, and during this whole time, I’m still teaching a
full schedule (plus occasional weekends and night classes), and grading my
students’ first term finals, which we had postponed to October. So yeah, it’s been busy. I remember one point a few weeks back when
the class president asked me if I could grade the Form VI weekly practice
examinations for the past three weeks (that’s a grand total of 540 exams)… I’m
not gonna lie---I openly laughed in his face.
I’m pretty sure I handed him the marking scheme and told him that I was
a very busy man, and that he “[had] 180 available students, so grade your own
stupid tests.” It’s true: my students,
while hard workers with a tough life, still don’t quite understand some of the
logistics and hardships of being a teacher (and I don’t blame them… I was the
same way when I was their age).
Still, while all this has been going on, I’ve found time for
one fun little side project (I guess you could call it a secondary project?)---what
I perfunctorily call my “CD project.” My
students have always been blaming their poor performance on tests on a general
dearth of math and science resources in the Songea area, and after a particularly
abysmal round of failures with the term 1 finals (it was right after big break,
so I know they didn’t study
beforehand) as well as the obligatory aftershock of griping/despondency that
ensued, I decided to remove the “we don’t have any textbooks” excuse out of the
equation and furnish my students with complete digital math and science
resource bundles via CD. Why CD? Well, CDs are actually pretty cheap here
(affordable even for my students) and flash drives haven’t really taken hold
outside of Dar… plus, my school just got a bunch of new computers from World
Friends Japan that are barely being used, all of which have standard CD drives
(and besides, most middle-class Tanzanians like my students have at least some sort of access to computers, even
if it’s just an internet café, so my students will be able to view the CDs even
at home).
Regardless, the bundle I’ve prepared for my kids is---not to
sound pompous---the complete package.
Each CD consists of four sections (math, physics, chemistry, and biology), each with its
own textbooks, lab practical descriptions, and study guides, plus some
additional animations/simulations, if available. Moreover, I made sure to include instructions
for installation/use, as well as a self-executing open-source PDF reader
installer for easy viewing, no matter what the computer. In sum, the CD contains pretty much
everything my kids will need to know and more, all in one place (for the low,
low price of 500/=... it's not like my PC salary is sufficient for this kind of expenditure). I’m kind of proud
of it.
Of course, while most of the stuff I’ve included in the
bundle is open-source textbooks and various other free resources, I’ve
definitely thrown in a bit of my own flair as well---a comprehensive equation list
for physics. I figured that, since these
students don’t get equation sheets for their NECTA final (which, incidentally,
is utter BS… that thing is what saved my ass during the AP), I could at least
give them something to look at beforehand to help them memorize the appropriate
relations. As you can guess, I’m pretty
pleased with the results… you can read it here (and yes, they need to know ALL
that):
Plus, if you want an idea of what the NECTA final is like,
I’ve posted two of my practice tests here.
These tests are actually a little on the easy side… if you want a true
idea of what the NECTA is like, increase the difficulty, remove all the
pictures, and throw in a few spelling errors/accidentally insoluble
problems. Note how, on Paper 2, you
nominally only have to solve 5 problems, but, in reality, you’re solving 10 (on
the real NECTA, it’s more like 15):
If this material looks hard to you, that’s because it is:
standard high school physics curricula in the US typically don’t cover more
than classical mechanics, electricity & magnetism, and waves
(thermodynamics is usually covered in chemistry)---this stuff has a whole bunch
of other useless crap about fluid mechanics, surface tension, the Bohr model,
solid state physics, and even electronics. Being generous, I
would say that these tests are roughly on par with the standard AP physics test
(at least when I took it), but remember what “AP” stands for---i.e., “advanced
placement for college credit”, not “pass this test or go back to being a dirt
farmer for the rest of your life”. Now imagine
taking this test without an equation sheet or any sort of reference, with a
three-hour time limit. Also imagine
taking this test in your second or third language, with virtually no guidance
except some tattered textbook from the 80s and two years of self-study under
your belt (it’s not like the teachers are always present to help you out, after
all). Furthermore, say you're a student who one day wants to be a doctor... this means you'd have to be part of the PCB (physics-chemistry-biology) curriculum, which mandates---no joke---an 11-day-straight testing period (three days for papers 1 and 2, plus a practical, for biology, chemistry, and physics subjects, plus additional exams for mathematics (basic applied mathematics, or BAM) and general studies ("GS"). Does that seem at all fair to you?
It’s funny---Tanzanians love to say that math and science
are the “sickness of the nation,” and I am constantly pestered about why this is so. To this, I have a
simple answer: Because doing all this crap is freaking IMPOSSIBLE.
---
Going back to life events for a bit, in mid-November, there
was one minor reprieve from all this school-related toil: shadow week. Yes, the new health and environment class has
come in, making me officially a super-senior, and some of them were selected to
shadow me here in Songea (there’s this new policy now that you shadow where
your site is supposed to be instead of shadowing someone who has a similar job
to yours… lame). I assume this decision
was made strictly for geographical convenience---I can’t imagine any Peace
Corps job being more different from mine than that of a health/environment
volunteer---but, in the end, it was cool to see some new faces, and we had a
good time that week. I have to admit: I
was probably the worst host ever, as I was fully wrapped up in my standard 8am-5pm
workday (plus I was writing all these tests or burning CDs in the evenings), so
I pretty much monopolized all the computer time and frequently abandoned my
guests to go deal with my own problems.
I did, however, manage to work far enough ahead so we could relax on the
weekend: we had a pretty cool churrasco
(Brazilian-style BBQ pork) dinner at my house with the whole gang of newbies
(nine of them in total), which was a pretty chill evening, and lots of
fun. We even took them out dancing at
the local discotheque, which I’m sure was a nice break from the tedium of
pre-service training.
It was kind of funny, dealing with all these folks… for
the first time in my service, I truly felt old.
Well, maybe “old” isn’t the right word---more like “seasoned.” It was kind of surprising to see that things
that totally come second nature to me at this point (knowing how much tomatoes
cost, coping with electricity/water shortage, getting in screaming arguments
with kondas, etc) don’t necessarily
come second nature to everyone else, and it made me think a lot about what a
(relative) dumbass I was when I first came to country (read my first few blog
posts, and you’ll know what I mean).
This is not to put down any of the newbies, who are all very smart in
their own right and who, I’m sure, will have very fruitful and productive
services of their own (and besides, some of them are my age or older and thus
far more seasoned than I am anyways); I’m just saying that I was a bit taken
aback by their greenness---or, rather, my apparent lack of greenness.
Huh… maybe I’m growing up after all. I’m not getting any younger, at least.
Thanksgiving and IST
This year marked my first non-Songea Thanksgiving, which
turned out to be pretty awesome. It was
expertly organized by a PCV couple living in neighboring Njombe, and it was
pretty much everything I hoped a Tanzanian Thanksgiving would be. Seriously, I was impressed: we were able to
create (or, at least, very nearly replicate) nearly every standard Thanksgiving
dish---mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, greens,
fruit salad, etc. Of course, given that
this was a Tanzanian Thanksgiving, we replaced the not-existing-in-country
cranberry sauce with the more conventional PC TZ staple of guacamole, which
definitely altered the general motif of the meal a bit.
Oh, and did I mention that we had a legit turkey? I’m not even remotely kidding. We managed to score a whole bird from Iringa,
and we cooked it by improvising an oven out of a charcoal jiko. You heard me right: we
cooked a full turkey using nothing
but a few sufurias (aluminum pots)
and charcoal. THIS is why Peace Corps volunteers are, by
nature, the coolest people ever.
 |
| Preparing the turkey. Note how I am "supervising." I'm so helpful. |
 |
| One big happy family. |
And, of course, after the feast was over and we were lying
in a tryptophan-induced stupor, we watched Dumb
and Dumber. In all, it was a perfect
day.
---
Soon following Thanksgiving was a brief visit up to Morogoro
to do some more science stuff with the new ED class (or, as I call them, “baby
EDs”, although I guess they’re now sophomores… again, I’m old) for their IST. It was a pretty run-of-the-mill session,
although we shifted the focus a little bit to describe extracurricular ways to
make science more accessible for students (think science fairs, mathletes, Bill Nye the Science Guy... you know, catnip for geeks like us). In all, it was a nice,
productive visit.
The only thing that I guess merits special attention was our intro to our session. For those of you
who read some of the old blog entries, you know that we have a knack for making
gunpowder out of fertilizer… well, given the time we had, we couldn’t think of
anything else that wasn’t (a) too expensive or (b) too dangerous to demonstrate
the awesomeness of science, so we just opted to make a crap-ton of said
gunpowder (about ¾ kilo) and set it on fire all at once. Of course, since we care about presentation
(and we’re huge nerds), we did a little skit to lighten the mood: one of the
volunteers and I dressed up in some old jedi-esque costumes we had lying around
(don’t ask) and had a mock lightsaber battle with flaming sword-canes (we used
an improvised bug-spray flamethrower to light the cane-swords from our
Halloween costumes on fire, and proceeded to battle each other with them, all
while playing the Star Wars soundtrack). We finished by stabbing a giant,
¾-kilo-of-gunpowder-stuffed paper crane (made from flipchart paper and soaked
with kerosene) with the aforementioned flaming swords, igniting it and creating
a pretty big explosion (although we might have needed some additional help from
the bug-spray flamethrower to get it going).
Nerdy? Yes. Childish?
Sure. But awesome? Absolutely.
Oh, and I forgot to say: we did this little skit in front of
all the ED volunteers, plus their
corresponding Tanzanian counterparts (i.e., pretty much normal Tanzanians
who are teachers at their respective schools from all over TZ and are thus
unaccustomed to the hare-brained antics of giddy, immature American
twenty-somethings). It’s kind of amusing
that Peace Corps always insists on its volunteers maintaining a modicum of
professional decorum when interacting with host-country nationals… well, I can
think of nothing more dignified and professional than two guys dressed in unwashed
space cadet uniforms and spandex leggings fighting each other with flaming
swords while setting a giant paper crane full of gunpowder on fire. I’m putting that shit on my résumé.
Sadly, while I know pictures/video of this awesome event
exist, I don’t have any on me at the moment.
What I DO have access to is the pictures of the 3rd annual
IST prom we went to that night (making this the 5th prom I’ve been
to in my life… Jesus):
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| Yeah, we broke out the suits again. After reading this blog post, would you expect anything less? |
So yeah, good times were had by all.
Future Plans
So that about drops us off to when I’m currently writing
this, mid-December 2012. I’ve settled
back into Songea fairly nicely, and I’ve resumed my standard routine of grading
massive quantities of papers and burning massive quantities of CDs (power
permitting). Things have returned to
normal, but who knows what tales the next adventure will bring…
Oh wait, I do: over Christmas this year, after two long
years of waiting, I will be climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.
I know it’s not a huge deal and that tons of people do it
every year, but nonetheless, I’m stoked.
This trip is going to be all sorts of awesome. Granted, I have a couple… unsavory
experiences from climbing large mountains before (Emeishan in China evokes some
particularly unpleasant memories), but, nonetheless, I feel confident that I
have prepared accordingly---both in terms of adequate climbing gear and general physical
fitness---that I should be able to do this one.
Hell, I have to do this one. I’ve been to Moshi. I’ve stared at the mountain, and it has stared right back at me, taunting me from on high with its snow-capped arrogance and utter remoteness. I must conquer it, or else turn in my Tanzania card and relinquish all rights to my manhood. I'm a young man of means in my twenties, with nothing to lose and everything to prove... did you really think I was going to let that happen?
Hell, I have to do this one. I’ve been to Moshi. I’ve stared at the mountain, and it has stared right back at me, taunting me from on high with its snow-capped arrogance and utter remoteness. I must conquer it, or else turn in my Tanzania card and relinquish all rights to my manhood. I'm a young man of means in my twenties, with nothing to lose and everything to prove... did you really think I was going to let that happen?
In any case, I doubt I’ll be writing in here until after the
event. I’ll see you guys after I’m done!
